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Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome