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I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
That`s not how I met your mother.
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.