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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.