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What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!