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I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
I’m cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
Theirye’re, problem solved.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”