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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.