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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
Please don`t hastag out loud...
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.