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I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll