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The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.