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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."