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My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.