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The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Personally, I think failure should be an option
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.