Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!