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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?