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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.