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liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.