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I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?