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A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?