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Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.