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If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Judge: I`ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That`s very generous. I`ll try and kick in a little myself.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
Iām that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time