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If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
Iām exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
So can we just skip to summer now?
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.