Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do