Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.