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Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Honk if you are reading this.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Plan B includes margaritas.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.