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If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.