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"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."