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The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
TEIAM - problem solved
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.