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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"