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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when Iām making a questionable decision for my life.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"