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My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.