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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown