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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.