Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
only 9530 days until retirement.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.