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Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.