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That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls