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I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
A hard thing about business is minding your own
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.