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Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...