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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.