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"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
My life is a very complicated drinking game
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.