Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.