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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.