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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.