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At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
I`m changing my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *