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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.