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So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly Iām a big deal...
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
Iām pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.