Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.