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Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?