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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.