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Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.