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LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.