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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!