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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.