Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
No pants are the best pants.
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....