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If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
I drink coffee for your protection.