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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second