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This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.