Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.