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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.