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Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"