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I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.