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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!