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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally