Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.