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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.