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Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.