Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
I never finish anyth...............
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when Iām done.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...