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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.