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When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
i only drink on days that end with y
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.