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Please don`t hastag out loud...
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen