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Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"