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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.