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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
Don’t jump to confusions.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!