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Ever been completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
Mom said angels are watching over me. I`m just afraid they`re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?