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That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!