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For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
I know u r but what am I ?
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"