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As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.
What Iām really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.